the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
