I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
