Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
