There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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