Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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