woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
50% drunk capacity currently
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
