who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
40s are totally the cure
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
