im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
