what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
