I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
