i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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