like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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