put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
