he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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