Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
