This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
