Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
