Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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