He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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