so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
