I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At least make sure they are 18
Why
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
