guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
