I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
