she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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