I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
