Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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