just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
pray to the hookup gods
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
