I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
