a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
