No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
