It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
