Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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