I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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