so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My vagina just recognized that song.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
