Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
