I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
