Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
