Already got asked if we're dating
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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