dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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