Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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