if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
