"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
