this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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