the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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