Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
