he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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