So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
