I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
