I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
