He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
